The one in which I cover Plunging the Falls | Evolving your Adult | Sharing More | LI Voice Messaging

Take some time out to read and reflect. Extend and stretch your self-awareness. Knowing yourself is a key building block to creating fulfilling & thriving work relationships.

Welcome to the May Flow with Felicity. I kick off with what the month has been like for me along with an invitation to reflect on how you're flowing. I offer an insight, pass on a tip which has proved useful, and share a quote that inspire me.

This is written for you. You may be a #leader #entrepreneur #businessowner and/or a #coach. You are committed to evolving your self-awareness; knowing it helps support the flow of your work, relationships and life.

3 months in, the learning curve still feels steep, so I'd love for you to help me improve. Keep the messages coming.

How are you Flowing?

Plunging the Falls: A Month of Flow and Integration

This last month has been a wild ride! It feels like I spent all of March waiting for something to shift [read Blocked by a Lock]. Then, April arrived, and I took the plunge. Not just one plunge, but a whole series of them, cascading over the edge of my comfort zone into exhilarating new experiences [read LI post Goodbye Adventure April]. Hence, naming April Plunging the Falls.

It's been surprisingly challenging to articulate how this flow feels from within. A peer supervisor captured it perfectly this week when she said, "Lovely to see you today, full of your verve and brilliance!"

Wow. That feedback blew me away. And it's true, I do feel more vibrant, more alive. There's a buzzing energy pulsing around my heart that radiates to my fingertips and toes. It's a little disconcerting – I'm accustomed to a calm, spacious feeling in my chest. This new energy is much more restless. After a particularly stimulating day, I went to bed feeling like a five-year-old hyped up on sugar, playing a chaotic game of dodgems in my brain. (I bet the therapists in my circle are having a field day with that!)

This feels like a deeply transformative and integrative time. It's heavily influenced by feeling grounded and happy in Poole. Fi and I were incredibly intentional when choosing this place. We both craved a life by the water, rooted in a community that encourages an active lifestyle. Fi wanted a place where she could connect with an active community, and I yearned for local friendships – something I haven't quite mastered in my adult life.

This past month, we've been living that dream. I've built a network of inspiring and amazing people, some of whom are blossoming into friendships. We live bathed in the light of the sea and sky. It's beautiful. And we are active!

I'm allowing this unfamiliar buzz to exist within me, encouraging my usual calm self not to shut it down. Though, there are times when I yearn for that calm to return, just to sleep a little better. But something significant is happening here. Can I surrender and allow it to unfold? How will I know when "more" becomes too much? And how can I navigate my ego when I choose to share and express myself more openly?

What about you? How are you flowing? What bodily sensations, thoughts, and feelings are you attuned to? What messages are they sending you? I encourage you to listen deeply.

If there was a river or canal that captured your month, what would it look like?

Allowing ourselves to evolve connects to the theme I've chosen for the Insight section this month.

The Insight

Evoling our Adult selves: The Stages of Self-Discovery

Have you ever had a moment where you realized that the person you thought you were no longer aligns with who you are becoming? It can be a startling realization, but it's also a powerful opportunity for growth.

This month I was prompted to look at this through the lens of Kegan and Lahey's stages of adult development. I find their framework of three distinct stages that we all progress through as we mature very useful:

• The Socialized Mind: In this early stage, we're heavily influenced by our external environment. We seek information that confirms our existing beliefs and expectations, and we shape our identity based on the norms and values of those around us. The workplace we choose, the people we associate with – all of these factors play a significant role in shaping who we become.

• The Self-Authoring Mind: As we mature, we begin to develop a more independent sense of self. We start to question external influences and form our own internal voice. This stage is about establishing boundaries and carving out a unique identity. It's like finally figuring out what clothes you want to wear in the metaphorical closet of life.

• The Self-Transforming Mind: This is the ultimate stage of self-discovery. Here, we gain the ability to see the world through different lenses. We recognize the limitations of our own perspectives and embrace the value of opposing viewpoints. We can hold multiple truths simultaneously, instead of clinging to a single fixed identity.

Kegan and Lahey acknowledge that reaching the self-transforming mind is a rare achievement. Most of us spend our lives somewhere on the spectrum, transitioning between stages or residing comfortably within one.

So, what does this mean for you when you realize your identity is shifting? Here are a few key takeaways:

• Embrace the Change: Don't resist the evolution. Allow yourself to be transformed by the experience. See where this new path takes you.

• Reflect on the Why: Take time to understand the driving forces behind your transformation. Is it an internal shift in values or beliefs? Or perhaps it's a response to external circumstances?

• Hold It Lightly: Avoid clinging rigidly to a new identity. Instead, use flexible language that reflects your ongoing journey. Phrases like "I am more of this today" can capture the essence of your evolving self.

Deep Listening as a Tool for Self-Discovery

This framework for self-discovery aligns beautifully with the concept of deep listening, checkout my Listening resource for the 4 Levels of Listening by Scharmer & Kaufer.

By truly listening to others, we gain insights into ourselves. We see ourselves reflected in their perspectives and experiences.

What about you?

What is emerging? What is wanting to be seen? What belief do you need to let go of in order to move forward?

Sources:

Kegan and Lahey: An Everyone Culture

Scharmer and Kaufer: Leading from the Emerging Future

The Quote

>>> Watch out for my Linked In post sharing why this is one of my favourite relationship quotes

The Tip 

Did you know that you can send a voice message on Linked In? It’s a personal way of saying hello. I loved learning this recently, so passing it on.

Using the LI app on your phone, go to your messages and pick someone you want to chat with. Go to the ‘write your message’ bar at the bottom. Skip that and look right for the microphone button. Tap on that and it will open up the record button.

You can slide it to cancel or release to send. It’s limited to 59 seconds!

Enjoy playing!

I'm Pondering

What to share?

This question is hugely relevant to me right now as I'm back out there on LinkedIn.

We all curate what we share in person and online, but what about going below the surface? Is it worth showing the messy & beautiful underneath?

My hunch is that absolutely it is, and it applies way beyond just social media posts. Whether you're leading a large organization or running your own solopreneur gig, relationships are key. And those relationships thrive on meaningful points of connection.

I did a review of what I've been learning and playing with over the last 3 months and came up with this framework:

Sharing The Surface:

• Knowledge: 

  • Leadership tips, coaching frameworks, insights on relationships, self-awareness resources – like a buffet of ideas you can pick and choose from. These re-inforce relevance and usefulness but tend to encourage less engagement.

  • This has been my 'go to' way of writing on LinkedIn. Sometimes it flows organically, other times I plan it out a bit. It's a good solid baseline.

• Offers & Packages 

  • How you can work with me. Maybe it's a coaching package or a supervision session – you decide what resonates with you. These engage those who are looking for something or are the competition!

  • I'm evolving how I describe the Bend the River coaching and supervision approach – not sure yet if I will go for a big reveal or a gentle emerging :)

• "Who" Vibe
  

  • A glimpse into the kind of people I love working with, maybe it sparks a recognition in you – "Hey, that's me!"

  • April was a breakthrough month. I realized that I attract leaders, entrepreneurs, and coaches who CARE. You care deeply about the quality of life, for yourself and those around you, and it's about more than just the bottom line.

Sharing The Depths:

• "Why"

  • The reason behind what I do. Maybe our "Whys" align, or maybe it ignites a question for you to ponder.

  • This is crystal clear for me but not YET widely shared. My work is fueled by a belief that the world needs more "better togetherness".
    

• "Why Now?"

  • Why this particular offering feels important right now. These spark a memory of a similar time and encourages a response of shared experience.

  • Why my LinkedIn resurgence? There's a story behind it, one of stepping up, letting go, and finding new roots. The essence of my Why Now is captured in this piece of art we bought for our new home.

• Experience

  • The ups and downs, the wins and struggles which form our beliefs – we all have them, and sharing them fosters a sense of camaraderie.

  • I'm definitely getting more comfortable with this, and I love the supportive and personal responses it brings.

• Support System

  • The people and practices that keep us going – a chance to learn from each other and share resources.

  • I tend to rely on public shout-outs to the amazing people who help me be my best - it demonstrates my value of appreciation.

• Life

  • The foundation that holds it all together – the personal stuff that makes me, me.

  • This is the big leap! I'm embracing the personal. No more hiding the fact that I live an active life, that I built a life by the sea and mountains, that I love my partner Fi wholeheartedly, and yes, that life without my Tupperware drawer would be deficient.

Values: Show, Don't Tell

I decided to leave values out of this framework because I believe they shine brighter through our actions than through simply stating them. It's the classic walk the walk, not just talking the talk.

Show more of who you are

Not because you are egotistical, but because you want to offer multiple points for others to know you and start a conversation. Build relationships by sharing and showing your talents, quirks and even the murkier depths.

What about you? Reflect on what feels true for you? What’s your comfort zone to share? Where can you stretch yourself to share, even if it feels a little uncomfortable?

And if this framework was useful to you, let me know. If I missed something, can reword it etc… I’d love to refine it.

International Coaching week

May 13-19, 2024

There are free events you can join around the world. Receive coaching, find out about it and so on. See what’s on offer

Make a point to ask me anything about coaching via email or Linked In (not just for this week, but always!)

Take part in my Change for Good Coaching offer - you donate £40 to charity to receive 1hr of coaching with me. Session slots available on Tues and Wed afternoons. All year!

Want a more reqular top up?

If this monthly email flow is not often enough for you, follow me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/felicityhodkinson I post 3+ times a week so you can get a regular top up of what's new, life lessons & knowledge nuggets. Check out:

April Favourites

• Supervision: See the Water you are Swimming in

• Goodbye Adventure April

• Yutori Spaciousness

Archives

• Podcast on Coaching with Requier Wait

• The #QuietSpecialist

• 3 keys to New Neural Pathways

• Bleed Orange

Work with me: I'm always actively seeking clients like you who CARE.

Here are ways we can bend the river and bring more of the flow you want to your life and relationships

• #Leaders #Entrepreneurs #businessowners

  • My EXPLORE coaching package is an ideal starting point for those keen to learn more about the motivations which underpin your behaviour.

  • To support you with a long term shift towards the change you desire, I offer an 8hr EVOLVE package.

  • Want to try it out, but not 100% sure or budget feeling too restrictive? Check out my Change for Good coaching. You give £40 to charity and I give you 1hr of coaching.

• Workplace Relationships: I work with pairs, usually founding partners / key C-suite relationships, on who you are together and we explore how your relationship can influence the culture of your organisation to support your strategic plans

• #Coaches For ICF Mentor Coaching or Supervision - choose from individual hourly sessions, join Open Supervision or build your own group.

Not yet signed up for this? Know you won't miss out each month and give me the motivation to keep sharing by signing up here

So, what grabbed your interest?

Thank you for joining me this month. For all rave testimonials, typos, helpful feedback, conversations about working together, message me on LinkedIn or drop me an email: felicity@bendtheriver.org

What's this triggered for you? What resonated / helped with your current experience? And, if my content prompts you do something different and 'bend the river', I'd love to celebrate and support the changes you are making. Keep me in the loop :)