The one in which I cover: Toe Dipping | Introverted Leadership | Respect is Two-way | SMARTS - The Balance of a Successful Life
Take some time out to read and reflect. Extend and stretch your self-awareness. Knowing yourself deeply is a key building block to creating a fulfilling life & thriving work relationships.
Welcome to Flow with Felicity. I kick off with what the month has been like for me along with an invitation to reflect on how you're flowing. I offer an insight, pass on a quick tip which has proved useful, and share a quote that inspire me. Each section has questions for reflection.
This is written for you. You may be a #leader #entrepreneur #businessowner and/or a #coach. You are committed to evolving your self-awareness; knowing it helps support the flow of your work, relationships and life.
6 months in and I almost didn't make it this month! It really does help my motivation to hear your feedback.
How are you Flowing?
Toe Dipping to feel the flow in July
As July becomes August, and I sense back into the month, there is not a lot that immediately bounces back into my being. I can’t see much, remember much or feel much. It feels quite flat, rather than calm. I relate it to the feelings of boredom which surfaced during the month and the struggle to stay connected to parts of my work & life.
To feel it more, I choose to stand in my river by diving into my diary, so I can consciously re-connect to some of the joy that’s slipped from my mental and physical memory. Hence this month called Toe Dipping.
And the ripples of joy are there. Working with young clients in their twenties, it’s been rewarding to see lightbulb moments as they connect their introverted style to their own brand of confidence. A beach chat with Nicki Bass about building resilient teams in the outdoors was inspiring. Coffee at home with Jackie Goddard (fabulous speaking coach) and Kin Ho (photographer extraordinaire)gave some lovely one-on-one time. And then there was the You are the Media Summer gathering – a whirlwind of energy. The month ended on a high with the confirmation of a supervision project for MYNDUP in the Autumn.
As August arrives, I realise what’s missing: the thrill of the unknown. Everything feels a bit too familiar. Duh! I’ve been missing out on new adventures! It was a reminder of why I thrived on projects and change as a leader – the constant evolution, the new challenges. Routine isn’t my middle name.
And a final realisation - the big adventure of moving our lives has now become everyday. It was a long few years wondering where life after London would be, and several years of settling in Poole. Now that is behind us.
Maybe it's time to start envisioning the next big adventure?!
Reflect:
What is your body memory of the last month?
What images or metaphors come to mind?
What can you let go of to allow more of something else to emerge?
What do you need for the month ahead?
The Insight
Introverted Leadership
What does participation and leadership look like as an introvert in a workplace which seems dominated by extroverts?
This month’s insight came via some client work and through the work of Sarah Manley, and her book: The Quiet Catalyst. It’s reminded me of my struggles with a strong introversion preference in an organisation seemingly for extroverts!
The Energy Impact
In past issues I’ve touched on the importance of knowing one’s own preferences and those of your team. The Introversion-Extroversion preference is a biggie. Why? Because it has such a big influence on energy, see the Jungian definition by Myers-Briggs:
The preferred focus of one's energy on either the outer or the inner world. People who prefer Extraversion orient their energy to the outer world, while people with an Introversion preference orient their energy to the inner world.
If someone with an introversion preference is constantly being encouraged into outer energy activities, they get drained very quickly.
The Confidence Impact
It can also have a big impact on confidence. My first Myers-Briggs assessment in my early 30s, left me with the question of ‘so what now?’ Do I have to become loud in order to be successful? I lacked confidence in how to participate other than by copying others.
So, when a stakeholder requests coaching for a member of their team to have ‘confidence in speaking up’ coaching, I’m curious about what’s happening underneath. For the client the lightbulb moment came as they realised that their introverted preference is out of sync in a company culture of extroverted thinking.
This has bought huge relief as it has normalised their experiences and given them reassurance that success within work can still be within their grasp; they just need their own toolkit to be successful in this company culture.
This is coaching work that encourages clients to see all of who they are, and to access those skills & capabilities in the moment of their workplace in order to be successful as them. Not to try and do it like the others are doing it. It’s way too draining and is simply not sustainable; at its worst, it risks an impact on mental health.
The Introverted Advantage: Leading your way
I often recommend the book Quiet by Susan Cain. And now with Sarah’s book, The Quiet Catalyst, I have another option. As Sarah highlighted to me in our chat this month, Quiet reveals the power of the introverted thinker, and The Quiet Catalyst does a ‘So what now’. It’s full of brilliant tips to build your own tool kit for all stages of a career. Sarah’s story was such a familiar read, echoing the tips and tricks I’d worked out to lead my way. Not the way of others. Here are a few:
On Vision - “Use your introvert powers of listening, analysis, problem solving, and understanding of the impact of people to build this vision”
On Building a Thriving Team - Use your listening skills, and harness the power of one-to-one conversations to build the team. “Start by listening. Ask your team what they need, what they expect, what they are great at, and what their concerns are.”
Amplify Success - “Celebrate and share in ways that encompass the preferred methods of both introverts and extroverts, to ensure nobody feels disregarded.” Find out what good celebration looks like in those individual conversations.
Leading through Challenge - Use your thinking skills & calmness to prepare for challenge. “…be a leader who empathises while making space for people to be heard, and who will hold a mirror to identify any limiting assumptions and behaviours that are present”
Whatever the stage of your career, if you’re unclear about what Introverted thinking and Extroverted thinking looks like and feels like, there are some resources listed below.
Further reading/ resources:
LinkedIn post - The power of Quiet People Infographic
Quiet by Susan Cain
The Quiet Catalyst by Sarah Manley
Article on I-E relationships written by a counsellor
Myers Briggs captures the I and E scale https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/the-mbti-preferences/
Free assessment: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test (not sure it’s quite as accurate, but it’s still useful)
How have you learnt to use your I - E superpowers?
The Quote
>>> This month's quote felt appropriate. Whilst I do value the rhythm of a routine. A life without small daily adventures or bigger life changing ones, wouldn't be my life.
What do you need?
The Tip
Respect is two-way
This month’s tip is more of a rant/concern.
I’ve noticed this….
Challenge in society is leading to defensiveness, righteousness and at the extreme abusive behaviour and language. Not acceptance.
Societal respect towards each other seems to be diminishing. I notice it out on a shared cycle/pedestrian pathway. If I ask another cyclist to slow down or alert a pedestrian that I’m nearby whilst on my bike, more F***k offs come my way than warranted. This is a mild example and you may think so what? But when you see this on scale errupting into violence, I think the small daily interactions matter.
Respect is a relational concept. Eg it happens between people. It is not one-way. So both parties can do something differently for a different outcome #BeBetterTogether.
Can society learn from challenging feedback models in organisations? How about this:
OFFER challenge with respect - smile, share the observation, make a request. Avoid language which invokes an imbalance of power. Offer it with the intention of helping the other, not assuming the upper righteous hand.
RECEIVE challenge with grace - smile & acknowledge the feedback. Reduce escalation with a thank you.
Society stability exists because we respect our norms, rules and each other. We are all sharing this planet together.
What thoughts and ideas have you got on this one?
I'm Pondering...
SMARTS - The balance of a successful & satisfying life
A few friends and peers have raised the topic of success this month and the common theme I’ve picked up on, is that it’s so much easier to see success in the lives of others.
In my past leadership role, we’d use a balanced scorecard to determine success. It was never just about hitting one measure. And life success is pretty similar. It’s why we all talk about balance. But balance is the illusion.
I think it’s more about harmony between the elements which matter to us. And that the feeling of success is a deep lasting sense of satisfaction that fills us up.
Last year I came across the SMART work design model and I really liked the elements it offered up. Plus, I think it adapts well to a work-life design. It’s great for those who are exploring ‘what is work in the life I want?’ question.
See what you think of the 5 elements (plus one I’ve added) and what they mean in your life.
The five key themes are :
Stimulating:- Stimulating refers to the extent to which my life and work involves skill variety, task variety, and problem solving demands. I also include adventures in here. What stimulation do yo invite into your work-life design?
Mastery:- This refers to the degree to which I feel clear and confident in my work & life. It involves me being clear about who I work with, the value I add, the feedback I actively seek and informally receive. All of which support my identity. What mastery gives you your identity?
Agency:- This breaks down into 3 parts
Scheduling refers to the extent to which you are able to organise your own schedule - for me, it’s about how Fi and I schedule our time apart, time together and time with others.
Work methods refers to the extent to which you can choose the methods in which to achieve your work goals. I do very little associate work in order to have choice on method.
Decision making refers to the extent to which you are able to make judgements and decisions individually. As an independent practitioner this is high, I choose who I work with.
What matters most for you to have agency over?
Relational: - This is the extent to which an individual experiences a sense of support, purpose and social contact in their role. I relate this to my personal & peer individual and community friendships. Do I have sufficient belonging, both places to receive support and to contribute. With whom and where do you nurture your relational self?
Tolerable Demands: - This refers to the extent to which a job involves time pressure, emotional demands and role conflict. It is also about how work interacts with non-work time. Does work leave me feeling depleted or energised for other aspects of my life? What boundaries do you set to keep demands tolerable?
I think there is one more to adapt it from a work design to a life design, Sufficient - which makes it SMARTS!
Sufficient: - Sufficient refers to the minimum level of income I need in my life. What ways can I grow income beyond work, and how can I adjust lifestyle to reduce the need for income? What is your minimum for the life you need for now and tomorrow?
What does harmony between the elements look like? My sense of this is one element not completely undermining and clashing with another element. Ideally, that the elements support and contribute to each other, rather than take away.
It’s certainly not a science, but it does help me stay tuned into my meaning of success, and the deep feeling of satisfaction, rather than the 6 figure salary which half of LinkedIn thinks I need!
Reflect:
What is work within your life?
What do you want it to be?
What do each of these elements mean to you?
What feels in harmony/ out of harmony?
What tells you that you have created a successful & satisfying life?
Further Reading
SMART Source: https://www.transformativeworkdesign.com/smart-work
If you’re more in need of working out what is the more fulling type of work for you, then check out my article on the Ikigai approach.
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So, what grabbed your interest?
Thank you for joining me this month. For all rave testimonials, typos, helpful feedback, conversations about working together, message me on LinkedIn or drop me an email: felicity@bendtheriver.org
What's resonated / helped with your current situation?
And, if this prompts you do something different and 'bend the river', I'd love to celebrate and support the changes you are making. Keep me in the loop :)
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