Gifted Green | Relational Leadership | Consensus Decision Making | Enneagram Insights into Leadership Decision Making

In this month's Flow with Felicity you can read about:

• The Gifted Green experience of August and my time in the Swiss Alps

• Learn about Relational Leadership; what it is; when and where its useful and skills to develop in The Insight

• In The Tip, dive into decision making by consensus; a key skill set of Relational Leadership

• Find out the leadership strengths & decision making styles by Enneagram type: Enneagram Insights into Leadership Decision Making

I draw on my coaching and life experiences to write this for Leaders, Founders, Life Seekers and Coaches. I hope you find value for yourself and/or for supporting those around you. #BeBetterTogether

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How are you Flowing?

My Personal Reflection: Gifted Green

August is a month of time-out for me. For three quarters of it I was away from work and enjoying the space of the Swiss mountains. It’s a time of peace, of quietness, of being outdoors in lush green lower pastures and hiking up to barren rock strewn peaks. It’s a time and place with far less distraction. Life is simpler.

It’s been a month of being Gifted Green and I’ve chosen this lovely image of a carved hand through which water trickles. I feel gifted by the experiences of the month. So much time outdoors in amongst the scent, feel and green of the trees, mosses, ferns and grasses.

The reason for this is that the eye's photoreceptors are most sensitive to light in the green wavelength. This means when we look at green, the light focuses directly on the retina, requiring the eye muscles to do less work. This is why looking at green is a great way to relieve eye strain, especially after spending screen time. Green truly is a gift from nature and we are meant to be in it.

By the side of this carved hand, there is a plaque (you can spot the corner of it at the bottom of the pic) and I’ve translated the words below. It’s located on what’s called a Bisse. The Bisses are an age-old water system set up to support agriculture on the Swiss mountains. Some remain well maintained and flow with water with miniature marvels of Swiss engineering and others offer moments of beauty. All offer wonderful walking paths, in amongst the trees offering a shady scented respite from the sun.

The sculpture and words sum up my peaceful, calm and Gifted Green of the month:

This hand receiving the water and passing it back into the running water suggests that the water is only borrowed.

It continues its perpetual cycle. A caring hand, open and receptive, sensitive. It receives and lets it flow between its spread fingers without holding it back. The hand does not capture the water completely, it does not appropriate it.

It seized, once taken, turns back to the stream so that it can flow its invigorating course.

Water is an invigorating resource to be preserved and passed on…. Healthy to the next one.

It gave; I let it impact me, I left it to share its magic with others. No further words needed.

Reflection Questions

• What are the natural gifts in your life?

• How do they resource you?

Try this 5 step River Reflection Process for yourself

1. Start by remembering the month, bringing the feelings, thoughts and physical sensations back into your heart, mind and body.

2. If it was a river, what would it look like? Consider the colours, the size, the pace, quality, depth of the water. What’s the landscape? Where are YOU in this river landscape? Who is with you?

3. Find an image that broadly represents your experience. You may have images on your phone, if not use an image library/ AI image generator and pop in a description of what has come up for you.

4. Take in this picture, what else is there within it? If there is wisdom for you in this picture about the past month, what is it offering you?

5. Capture & summarise the self-awareness you now have about this month, and can take forward into the next month.

Tune into how you're flowing and build your relationship with yourself.

The Insight: Relational Leadership

As many of my current clients are in start ups through to small/medium established businesses, it’s not unusual for clients to ask for guidance on what’s a good model of leadership to use as a framework for development.

My answer is that it’s a context dependent, so it helps to consider this question:

So it can be useful to have a list of leadership skills and capabilities to hand, and then to pick the critical ones which will positively contribute towards the desired company culture, team motivation and company objectives. I've included some of the key skills for relational leadership.

According to the FSB, at the start of 2024, there are 1.4 million small businesses (0-49) who are employing others.

What kind of leadership do they most need? What style and approach does your company need?

In the ever-evolving landscape of the modern workplace, the old models of command-and-control leadership can feel a little outdated. We’re moving beyond hierarchies and into an era where connection, empathy, and collaboration are the true cornerstones of success.

This is the world of relational leadership.

What is Relational Leadership?

At its core, relational leadership is an approach that prioritises the relationships between the leader and their team members. It’s a shift from seeing people as cogs in a machine to viewing them as whole, complex individuals with unique strengths and motivations. Instead of a top-down model, it’s a web of mutual trust and respect. It's less about telling people what to do and more about building a supportive environment where people feel empowered to contribute their best work.

Leadership is not located within positions of power within an organisation, but in the intentions and actions of every individual. As early as 1966, social psychologists, Katz and Kahn proposed ‘when people are influenced to engage in organisationally relevant behaviour, leadership has occurred.’

So, how does this compare to other styles?

• Transactional Leadership: This is the classic "carrot and stick" approach. The leader provides rewards for good performance and corrective action for poor performance. While effective for short-term goals, it often lacks the emotional connection needed for long-term growth and innovation.

• Transformational Leadership: This style focuses on inspiring and motivating team members to achieve a common goal. It’s an improvement over transactional leadership, and differs from relational leadership which focuses on the individual’s well-being and the quality of the personal connection, not just the shared vision.

Where Does it Work (and Where Does it Not)?

Relational leadership truly shines in knowledge-based organisations and creative industries—places where innovation, collaboration, and problem-solving are paramount. Think of a tech startup, a marketing agency, or a research team. In these environments, people need to feel psychologically safe to share new ideas and challenge the status quo. It’s also incredibly effective for non-profit organisations where mission and values are the primary motivators.

However, relational leadership may not be the best fit for every scenario. In highly structured, hierarchical environments or crisis situations that require rapid, decisive action (like a military operation or an emergency room), a more direct, authoritative approach is often necessary. The focus on individual relationships can sometimes slow down critical decision-making when speed is the priority.

Where Does Servant Leadership Fit In?

Think of it this way:

• Relational leadership is the how—the techniques and skills you use to build trust, communicate openly, and foster collaboration (like active listening, empathy, and shared decision-making).

  
  

• Servant leadership is the why—the core motivation behind your actions. It's the belief that your primary purpose as a leader is to serve your team, not to command them.

  
  

Robert K. Greenleaf, who coined the term, described it as a mindset that begins with "the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first." This is a sharp contrast to the "leader-first" mentality driven by a desire for power or material gain.

Servant Leadership vs. Relational Leadership

While the two styles share many similarities—both are people-centric, emphasise empathy, and empower followers—the key difference lies in the ultimate goal or focus.

• Servant Leadership's Primary Focus: The Follower. A servant leader's first priority is the growth, well-being, and autonomy of their team members. Success is measured by whether "those served grow as persons, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants." Organisational success is a positive by-product of a team that is well-supported and thriving.

  
  
  
  

• Relational Leadership's Primary Focus: The Relationship. While it also empowers people, the central focus is on the connection itself. It's about building a strong network of trust and respect to achieve shared goals more effectively. It's a key component of being a servant leader, but it doesn't necessarily include the same selfless, "serve first" philosophy. Think more 'we' than 'you'.

  
  

In short, you can be a relational leader without being a servant leader, but you cannot be a true servant leader without being deeply relational. Servant leadership takes the principles of relational leadership and elevates them to a moral purpose, making it a holistic and powerful way to lead from the heart.

Navigating Decisions with Relational Leadership

Decision-making in a relational framework is a collaborative journey, not a solo one. It’s less about one person making a choice and more about using the collective intelligence of the team. Key frameworks include:

• Consensus-Based Decision Making: This model involves discussion until all members of the group can agree on a single course of action. It can be time-consuming but leads to high levels of buy-in and commitment. In this model of decision making, the issue  is defined by the group, and proposals are emerged by the group during exploration. This all happens before consensus is worked towards. In this scenario everyone holds the overview.

• Consultative Leadership: Here, the leader gathers input from the team before making a final decision. This shows respect for the team's expertise and ensures a wider range of perspectives are considered, even if the ultimate choice rests with the leader. It is useful in situations for when the depth and breadth of evidence to inform the decision is beyond the decision-maker. Perspectives can be gathered individually or within a group setting. As leader, they are the lynchpin and holder of all the knowledge pertaining to the situation and the solution.

• Delegation with Support: Instead of a top-down mandate, the leader fully delegates a decision to a capable team member or small group, providing them with the necessary resources and support to succeed. There is the choice then for the team member as to whether to work towards a consensus or use a consultative style.

A key challenge for hierarchal leaders switching to a more relational style of leadership, is evolving their decision making style. They are often used to seeing the issue, coming up with the solution and then seeking agreement to implementation of the solution. If there is discussion it tends to be in the latter stage of questions and ideas around delivery of the pre-determined solution. This is a focus on the co-ordination of resources and co-operation of the team. For more junior members of the team tasked with finding a solution, the challenge can be one of changing mindset. To do this well, the belief can be 'I need to work it out for myself', vs. 'I can find the solution with others'.

Skills for the Relational Leader

If you want to lead relationally, here are some key skills and techniques to develop:

• Active Listening: This goes beyond just hearing what people say; it’s about understanding their emotions, motivations, and underlying needs.

• Empathy and Compassion: The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and truly understand their perspective.

• Emotional Intelligence (EQ): The self-awareness to understand your own emotions and the skills to manage your reactions and those of others.

• Effective Communication: Moving away from directives and towards open, honest dialogue. This includes giving and receiving feedback gracefully.

• Conflict Resolution: Learning to see conflict not as a problem, but as an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding.

The Journey from Hierarchical to Relational

Transitioning from a traditional hierarchical style to a relational one is a marathon, not a sprint. It requires courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to unlearn old habits.

• Start Small: Begin by practicing active listening in one-on-one meetings. Show genuine interest in your team members' lives outside of work.

• Encourage Psychological Safety: Create an environment where it's okay to make mistakes. When someone speaks up or takes a risk, acknowledge their courage.

• Share Power: Instead of hoarding control, find opportunities to delegate important tasks and decisions. This empowers your team and shows them you trust their judgment.

• Be Vulnerable: A great leader isn't perfect. Share your own struggles and lessons learned. This makes you more relatable and human, building trust.

• Seek Feedback: Ask your team how you can improve as a leader. This models the behaviour you want to see and shows you value their perspective.

5 Tips for the Relational Leader

1. Listen More, Talk Less: Prioritise understanding over being understood.

2. Be a Human First, a Leader Second: Authenticity and compassion build the strongest bonds.

3. Trust Your Team: Give them autonomy and the belief they need to succeed.

4. Embrace Conflict as an Opportunity: Use disagreements to strengthen relationships, not weaken them.

5. Focus on "We," Not "I": The success of the team is a shared victory.

The Tip: Consensus Decision Making

The Who, When, What Role of Consensus Based Decision Making brings clarity and pace to the process.

Who: When considering who to involve these are useful questions to ask:

• Stakeholders: Who has a vested interest, and holds a perspective on the risks and opportunities of this situation?

• Expertise: Whose expertise goes beyond your own and will contribute to the quality of the decision?

• Delivery: Who will be involved in the delivery, and can offer insights around what will help it come to fruition?

When: At what stage do I involve others, and who? Here are 4 stages of the decision making process:

1. Defining the problem & the situation: If the issue is unclear and there are different perspectives on the issue, then involving others early has the benefit of bringing alignment to the problem before solutions are contemplated. This starts with information gathering and ends with consensus.

2. Generating Solutions: If it’s a complex and challenging problem which requires creativity and breadth of thinking then consider who can bring those skills and expertise. This requires information gathering to define solutions; this may be readily available within the expertise & knowledge within the room or require further research.

3. Solution Evaluation towards Consensus: This is a critical stage of achieving consensus of all those involved. Everyone is clear on the criteria for a successful solution and are aware of the bigger picture. Everyone involved has the authority to give or decline their consensus. Further discussion outside the room is not needed.

4. Refining Solutions: If the problems are defined, and the solution is shaped and agreed, then others can be invited in to give feedback from their position of expertise in order to make the solution robust and ready for delivery.

What Role: Defining the roles for individual contributions in consensus decision making supports speed and clarity. Some people may be invited along to input perspectives, whilst others are responsible for coming to consensus.

Consensus: The team reaches a decision that everyone can "live with" and support. This isn't about everyone loving the final choice, but rather agreeing that it's the best option for the group at this time

3 Easy Mistakes to avoid:

1. Confusing input and information gathering  with consensus. Be clear about the purpose of the meeting, and the expected outputs. For example: ‘We expect to spend X time gathering perspectives from each person and then work together to define the problem we are facing’.

2. Involving everyone at every stage. Instead create an overview of who is involved when and why.

3. Believing consensus can be achieved without process. It’s the process that enables robust conversation, good quality solutions and high buy in from those involved.

   
   

The Quote

>>> Ralph Stacey was a British organisational theorist and I came across this quote when studying for my MA in Organisational Change.

It felt like such a true description of culture, highlighting the responsibility we all hold and the possibility that creates for change.

Our intentions and actions are within our grasp to change.

The Enneagram insights into Leadership Decision Making

​We each resonate with one of the nine Enneagram types. As a profiling tool it helps us connect to and understand the motivations which drive our patterns of behaviour.

The approach offers insights into the leadership and decision making preferences of each type. It may help you choose to work in an organsiation where your style is valued, or support you to identify developmental steps to expand the range and impact of your leadership.

Many leaders I work with start their coaching journey with their personalised Enneagram insight report. To uncover your core type, check out the Emerge Package.

In this issue, we're exploring leadership and decision making preferences.

And what better lens to explore this through than the transformative wisdom of the Enneagram? Each type, with its unique motivations and fears, approaches this differently. Understanding these nuances can truly empower us to build stronger, more authentic ways of working.

Let's unpack what builds and breaks trust for each Enneagram type.

Type 1: The Strict Perfectionist

• Leadership Style: Driven by principles and a desire to improve the world, Type 1 leaders create clarity, discipline, and structure. They set high standards and hold themselves and others accountable to ethical conduct and quality work.

• Decision-Making: They make decisions based on what they believe is "the right thing to do," following rules and procedures. They value facts, precision, and clarity.

• Strengths (Unique Gift): Creates clarity, discipline, and structure.

• Development Edge: Needs to be more comfortable with ambiguity, appreciate positive contributions from the team, and let go of the need for perfect outcomes and excessive control.

Type 2: The Considerate Helper

• Leadership Style: Oriented towards others, Type 2 leaders care for and support their team through successes and challenges. They are nurturing and developmental, focusing on the "people aspects" of the business.

• Decision-Making: They are motivated by connection and may struggle to make tough business decisions that could negatively impact people.

• Strengths (Unique Gift): Cares about and supports their team, building strong relationships and networks.

• Development Edge: Needs to balance taking care of others with taking care of their own needs and desires, and must avoid becoming overly reliant on being needed by others.

Type 3: The Competitive Achiever

• Leadership Style: Strives for success and has a "can-do" attitude. They are adaptable, efficient, and goal-focused, acting as great mentors who help their teams shine.

• Decision-Making: They have a strong bias for action and make decisions that will lead to successful outcomes and improved efficiency.

• Strengths (Unique Gift): Plans for and works towards success, completing tasks and satisfying stakeholders.

• Development Edge: Needs to be more attentive to the contributions and ideas of others, appreciating people for who they are rather than what they do.

Type 4: The Intense Creative

• Leadership Style: Intrinsically motivates people by connecting them to a sense of purpose and meaning. They are emotionally sensitive and value authenticity.

• Decision-Making: Decisions are often rooted in personal values and a search for depth and meaning, avoiding what they perceive as ordinary or mundane.

• Strengths (Unique Gift): Connects people to a sense of purpose and meaning in their work.

• Development Edge: Needs to hold their vision more loosely, inviting others to contribute to create space for new possibilities, and must balance their emotions with objective reality.

Type 5: The Quiet Specialist

• Leadership Style: A logical thinker and quiet observer. They are motivated by a desire for knowledge and to understand how the world works, bringing an objective and insightful approach to their work.

• Decision-Making: Decisions are based on in-depth analysis and a desire to avoid emotional or subjective factors. They prefer to have all the information before making a choice.

• Strengths (Unique Gift): Brings a logical, in-depth, and insightful approach.

• Development Edge: Needs to be less detached and more engaged with the emotional aspects of leadership, allowing for discussion and collaboration.

Type 6: The Loyal Sceptic

• Leadership Style: Values trust, responsibility, and loyalty. They are team players who are skilled at anticipating potential problems and creating a sense of security for their followers.

• Decision-Making: Decisions are often a result of testing theories and scenarios, seeking reassurance and information to feel safe. Their skepticism can be a strength that leads to well-thought-out plans.

• Strengths (Unique Gift): Seeks security and safety for themselves and their team, spotting potential dangers and building trust.

• Development Edge: Needs to learn to trust themselves and their own abilities, which can alleviate anxiety and constant need for reassurance.

Type 7: The Enthusiastic Visionary

• Leadership Style: A fast-minded futurist who is enthusiastic and brings a sense of spontaneity and positive energy. They are vision-oriented and want to move things forward.

• Decision-Making: They are energized by possibilities and making decisions that promise new and exciting experiences, often acting quickly on their many ideas.

• Strengths (Unique Gift): Inspires and moves things forward with a sense of enthusiasm and vision.

• Development Edge: Needs to temper their enthusiasm with rigorous critical thinking, balancing their many ideas with a grounded approach.

Type 8: The Active Controller

• Leadership Style: Likes to lead and move obstacles out of the way. They are direct, decisive, and protective of those around them, striving for a world where people are strong and self-reliant.

• Decision-Making: They are confident and action-oriented, making decisions with a natural directness and a focus on what they believe needs to be done.

• Strengths (Unique Gift): Takes charge and removes obstacles, protecting their team and getting results.

• Development Edge: Needs to learn to be more vulnerable and show more of their softer side, and can benefit from inviting consultation and collaboration with others before making decisions.

Type 9: The Adaptive Peacemaker

• Leadership Style: The "glue" that holds people together, with a friendly, grounding, and stable demeanor. They create a constructive and diplomatic environment for feedback and addressing difficult issues.

• Decision-Making: They tend to make decisions in a participatory manner, often seeking harmony and avoiding conflict. They may struggle to be direct and make tough choices that could disrupt peace.

• Strengths (Unique Gift): Creates a harmonious and constructive environment for the team.

• Development Edge: Needs to practice being more direct and assertive, and must guard against downplaying performance problems in the name of keeping the peace.

Working with the Enneagram is a journey of self-awareness that ultimately leads to more fulfilling and authentic bonds, with yourself and with others.

Get in touch to start your Enneagram exploration felicity@bendtheriver.org

The Reflection Question

Work with me

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If you'd like to work with me as your coach or coach supervisior, let's get some time in the diary. We will explore what you're hoping for, get a feel for our relationship and cover options.

Reach out today, if for no other reason that you will be clearer about something by the end of our call! felicity@bendtheriver.org

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Next Flow with Felicity coming out, first Friday of the month, 5th September 2025.

What grabbed your interest?

If this prompts you to do something different or supports a reframe, I'd love to celebrate and support the changes you are making. Keep me in the loop :) I love an update.

felicity@bendtheriver.org

See you next month :)