Sparkling Freshness | Cargo Net of Relationships | Recognise Power Dynamics | Enneagram Insights into Power Dynamics

In this month's Flow with Felicity there are themes of newness, relational gifts and power:

• I look back & share my Sparkling Freshness experience of 'new' June

• Reflect on your cargo net of relationships in The Insight and how your relatoinal attention and intention evolves over your career

• In The Tip, develop your skill of reading the power dynamics in relationships.

• Reveal: Enneagram Insights into Power Dynamics

I draw on my coaching and life experiences to write this for Leaders, Founders, Life Seekers and Coaches. I hope you find value for yourself and/or for supporting those around you. #BeBetterTogether

Coach yourself towards strong and elastic relationships.

How are you Flowing?

My Personal Reflection: Sparkling Freshness

Newness comes in many shapes and sizes, and it seems to be the theme of the month, and I'm loving it! It makes me feel like I'm at the frontier of something. Crazy as that sounds even when it's something small I like the feeling of trying something which falls outside of my 'normal'.

I experience joy in the first time of something, the absence of both committment and technique. Failure is likely and mostly brings trepidation, laughter and curiosity. Staying away from striving towards competence feels good.

This last month I've been seeking out the fresh sparkle of new experiences to feed my heart, soul, mind and body:

• Baking a new recipe: Life-Changing Bread (high fibre and protein, no gluten or dairy)

• Going to the Chalke History Festival & being stirred up by the ideas of the speakers such as Phillip Blom: Subjugate the Earth.

• Attempting to wake surf with the encouragement of the lovely Lynda Brown

• Using video to communicate & actually posting one video out on LinkedIn

• Giving blood for the first time & discovering that even with my apparently tiny veins I have good blood flow

• Introducing variety & challenge into our morning yoga routine with a new online instructor Charlie Follows

• Experimenting with different AI tools such as Napkin.AI to create visuals for this issue

• Practicing IFS (Internal Family Systems)as a coaching technique to surface & build harmony with the different parts of myself

• Starting work with new clients and experimenting with working in new ways with them

  
  

With the bigger "new" of a new home and new location now feeling comfortably behind us, I've found myself drawn to the smaller, more personal bits of newness. While it's certainly born from a desire to minimize boredom, the wonderful upside is a feeling of vibrant aliveness. Imagine stepping into a cool fresh river.

When things start to feel a bit too known, a bit too comfortable, I enjoy a jolt of something new to pull me out of my comfort zone. It stirs the body, soul, and mind, and makes time so much more memorable. It's similar to a thought I had last month: if everything is known and similar, the distinctions between memories blur, and time seems to speed up. When there is the distinct fresh experience of new, time feels fuller.

When I embrace this feeling, I feel like a river that is fast-flowing, with clear water that lets you see through to the reeds, rocks, and fish. I am a river that shimmers, with light dancing off the surface, dragonflies darting about, and lush green riverbanks. I look and feel in balance and healthy. I am a river that is vibrant and reflective, with cooler, deeper depths. I nurture the wildlife around me and refresh those who dip their toes in. I offer a cooling respite from the day. It brings to mind the Sparkling Freshness of the Gorges du Verdon in France.

Too idyllic to be true? Maybe. I do find myself questioning if this is an illusion, a desired state, or an actual state. In this moment, and in my memory of the month, it feels true, even if it wasn't true for every single moment. I believe there's a cumulative effect to trying new things: the more you do, the more comfortable you become with being outside your comfort zone, and the more viatlity and energy flows from the fresh experience.

What is it about newness that catalyzes such vitality? It's a disruptor. Fi and I like to call it the Degree of Jeopardy — the extent to which there's a danger of loss, harm, or failure.

To muster up courage or energy, we ask ourselves:

• What am I imagining to be the loss, harm, or failure?

• Is there any reality in that imagination?

• What support would help reduce the level of risk?

• And, does it truly matter if I experience that loss, harm, or failure?

Living a life of vitality definitely leads to physical tiredness. I've crashed out so many times this month! I take comfort from the wise words of James Clear "tiredness needs rest, and emptiness needs purpose." Definitely not feeling the latter!

But maybe you are? My suggestion is that if "purpose" feels too big or overwhelming to contemplate, focusing on a series of new, smaller things is a fantastic way to find your way back to energy and flow. Be inspired by Patrick Fagan who made a committment to try something new every week for a year. Listen to his interview with Phil Agnew here.

Try it for yourself: Be a River

Connect back to your last month or week. Role-play being a river by describing yourself as one. Start some sentences with "I'm a river..." and others with "I am..." Keep going until you feel like stopping, then push yourself to continue a little longer. Notice all the many attributes you've given your river.

Then, check in with your own vitality.

The Insight: Navigating the Cargo net of workplace relationships

It’s a lifetime of intention. Just like a river shapes the land, our workplace relationships shape our experience, our impact, and even our own well-being. They can meander along without any attention, but with intention they have so much more to give.

This month, I'm turning our attention to what it means to be someone who sees and believes the above statement. And then I offer up the

Over the last month, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside leaders at various stages of their careers. It’s been a beautiful, profound reminder that the conscious intention we bring to developing and nurturing strong and elastic workplace relationships never truly fades.

What shifts is simply where we choose to focus that intention. If you’re a person who inherently believes that the quality of your relationships at work truly matters – whether it's for your personal well-being, the excellence of the work you deliver, or the very soul of your company culture – then this belief will be a constant companion throughout your entire working life. For you, it will never feel enough to just focus on the task at hand.

Your Personal Compass for Connection

Here are a few insights that often emerge as we navigate this relationship landscape:

Key Insight 1: This Curiosity Stays with You for Life!

If you're already feeling that gentle tug, that quiet yearning for more of something, or perhaps less of something, in how you show up in your workplace relationships, or how you work with others, or even how others engage with you and your team – then this curiosity is likely to be a defining feature of your working life.

It's simply what you're naturally attuned to see, to hear, and to feel in the intricate dance between people. So, here's the great news: if you begin building your toolkit of beliefs and practices now, these invaluable insights will serve you, support you, and strengthen you for your entire working journey.

Key Insight 2: Not Everyone Sees the World Through Your Lens.

What can sometimes feel surprising, perhaps even a little isolating, is the realisation that not everyone around you will notice these relational nuances in the same way you do. They might not carry the same deep desire to consciously improve communication and connection.

I’ve known so many wonderful clients who, at first, felt a quiet unease, believing they were somehow "deficient" in their communication skills because it didn’t feel entirely natural for them. But what they all come to realise, often with a profound sense of relief, is that their attunement and their heartfelt focus on the dynamics between people is actually a core part of their superpower. They possess a unique talent, a finely tuned skill that others may not have, and it's something truly worth developing and celebrating.

Key Insight 3: Seniority Doesn't Automatically Grant "People Skills."

And here’s where it can get truly surprising, and sometimes, a touch frustrating: you might discover that your boss, or someone in a more senior role, doesn't give the human, relational side of work the same thoughtful attention that you do. Clients often confide in me, wondering aloud how on earth their leaders reached such positions without seemingly mastering "this bit of the work" brilliantly. And in that wonder, there’s often a quiet judgement that naturally arises.

But here’s the true game-changer, the shift that can transform frustration into profound understanding: turning that judgment around. Instead of framing it as your boss’s deficit, imagine owning it as your own unique strength and talent – a gift you can bring to support your boss, your team, and the wider organisation. It’s about choosing to genuinely see the strengths that your boss does possess and valuing the beautiful difference in your skill sets, rather than seeking a mirroring of your own.

You're most likely here, reading these words, because you inherently value good working relationships. Whether you feel like a natural at creating them or you’re simply deeply tuned into their ebb and flow, that awareness is a powerful starting point.

I’ve witnessed leaders who consciously lean into developing these relational muscles benefit immensely. The familiar hum of frustration that arises from others' perceived lack of intuition or action in this area begins to dissipate. In its place, a calm understanding, a renewed motivation, and a generous patience start to flourish.

The Cargo Net: Mapping Our Relational Journeys

So, what does this intricate cargo net of workplace relationships truly look like? It shifts and grows with us, weaving new connections and deepening existing ones as we progress through our careers.

Here’s a snapshot of the types of relationships I've experienced and had the privilege of helping clients navigate and enhance:

Early Career:

• Learning the dance of co-ordination, co-operation, and true collaboration with our peers. It's about discovering how to be a truly great team player, contributing our unique thread to the collective tapestry.

• Mastering the art of managing upwards, anticipating needs, offering support, and genuinely making the life of our boss a little smoother – a gift that benefits everyone.

Mid-Career:

• All the above, beautifully enriched with the added dimensions of:

• Inspiring, activating, and developing the talented individuals who now look to us for guidance and growth. It's about nurturing their potential and helping them find their own powerful current.

• Creating the conditions for seamless co-ordination, genuine co-operation, and vibrant collaboration within our own teams. We become the architects of connection.

• Understanding and gracefully influencing a wider circle of stakeholders, extending the positive ripple effect and impact of our team beyond our immediate sphere.

Later Career:

• All the rich tapestry woven in early and mid-career, now infused with three distinct POWER shifts:

• A heightened sense of both positional and personal power in our leadership. This power is often derived from years of building a strong reputation, the wisdom of age, our place in the hierarchy, and the sheer time invested in our role and career.

• The delicate, yet powerful, art of working alongside others who also possess heightened positional and personal power. This is where the nuanced interplay of egos, status, and deep personal conviction truly comes alive, demanding our most attuned relational skills.

• A widened and extended sphere of impact, where our influence reaches far beyond our direct team, touching broader organisational strategies and even external landscapes.

In later career, it becomes critical to tune into the dynamic of power that you bring to relationships. Others replicate your style and the ripple effects into company culture can be highly shaping. Back to the river metaphor, your relationships are shaping the landscape.

Reflection Questions

• What does this stir within you about your own relational journey at work?

• Consider the relationship types you feel at ease in navigating and the ones at the edge of your confidence. What development activities can you plan to extend your skill and confidence?

The Tip: Recognising the flow and friction of power in the workplace

Recognising the many faces of power and understanding the impact of this on how we work together is a key relationship skill.

You know how sometimes a simple shift in perspective can illuminate a whole landscape you hadn't fully seen before? It's much the same with power in our work lives. It's always there, shaping our interactions, often subtly, sometimes with a more forceful current. Let's dive in and shine a light on these dynamics, so we can recognise them and consciously choose to bend the river towards 'power with'.

1. Positional Power: The Formal Flow

Think of this as the clearly marked channels in a river. It's the power that comes with the job title, the organisational chart, the one we've been formally entrusted with.

• Where it shows up: You'll see it with our leaders, our managers, anyone who has a "reporting line" to them. It's in the decisions about resources, the final sign-offs, the setting of the course for the team.

  
  

• How to recognise it: Notice who sets the agenda, who makes the ultimate call when ideas diverge, or who holds the reins on budgets and team direction. Their authority is often written into their role.

  
  

2. Personal Power: The Deep Undercurrent

This is the quiet strength of the river itself – its depth, its wisdom, its steady pull. This power isn't granted by a title, but earned through respect, knowledge, and that unique spark an individual brings.

• Where it shows up: You might find it in the quiet expert everyone turns to for advice, the colleague who naturally inspires collaboration, or the mentor whose insights are truly gold. They influence because of who they are and what they know.

  
  

• How to recognise it: Who do people seek out when they're truly stuck? Whose ideas seem to gain traction effortlessly? Who can rally the team even without formal authority? That's personal power in action.

  
  

3. Power Over: The Damming Effect

This is where the natural flow is constrained, where one entity seeks to control or dominate another, often creating a sense of resistance or blockage.

• Where it shows up: Imagine a manager who dictates every step, stifling initiative. Or a team member who uses information as a tool for control. It's present when input feels ignored, or decisions are made in silos, without genuine collaboration.

  
  

• How to recognise it: Is communication mostly one-way? Do people hesitate to speak up or challenge ideas? Is there a sense that one voice always prevails, or perhaps a feeling of being 'micromanaged'? This signals a 'power over' dynamic.

  
  

4. Power Under: The Feeling of Being Swept Along

When we experience 'power under', it's akin to being in a current that pulls us along, rather than one we can navigate. It's the feeling of lacking agency, of being unheard or undervalued.

• Where it shows up: You might see it in team members who seem disengaged, rarely offer ideas, or often express feelings of frustration about things outside their control. It's the quiet resignation when opportunities pass them by, or their contributions feel invisible.

• How to recognise it: Look for a lack of active participation, a tendency to defer to others without genuine agreement, or a pattern of ideas being dismissed. There might be a general sense of powerlessness or disinterest.

5. Power With: The Collaborative Flow

This is our desired state – the beautiful, synchronised flow of a river, where multiple currents merge and move together, creating a greater, more vibrant force. It's about shared authority, mutual respect, and collective energy.

• Where it shows up: Think of truly high-performing teams where ideas are genuinely built upon, where challenges are faced together, and successes are shared. It's in the buzz of open dialogue, the ease of brainstorming, and the collective ownership of outcomes.

• How to recognise it: Notice when listening is deep and generative. When decision-making feels collaborative and inclusive. When trust is palpable, and people feel safe to bring their whole selves to the table. This is where we truly "Be Better Together".

Cultivating 'Power With': Shifting the Current

So, how do we consciously guide ourselves and our teams towards this more harmonious flow? It begins with intention and consistent practice.

1. Open the Channels of Communication: Create spaces where every voice is not just heard, but truly listened to. Encourage honest feedback, both given and received, from a place of curiosity rather than judgment.

   
   

2. Invite Shared Navigation: Rather than dictating the course, involve others in mapping it. Delegate with trust, inviting contributions and shared ownership. Remember, every individual brings a unique compass to the journey.

   
   

3. Empower the Individual Currents: Recognise and nurture the unique strengths of each person. Provide opportunities for growth and autonomy, trusting in their capacity to contribute meaningfully.

   
   

4. Embrace Different Perspectives: Just as a river has many tributaries, perspectives enrich our collective understanding. Cultivate empathy and seek to understand the 'why' behind different viewpoints, knowing they add to the richness of the flow.

   
   

5. Lead from a Place of Shared Purpose: Whether you hold positional power or not, model the behaviour you wish to see. Be transparent, be inclusive, and be willing to share the metaphorical paddle.

   
   

6. Reflect and Adjust: Regularly pause and observe the dynamics at play. Ask yourself: "How are we truly flowing together? Where might there be friction, and how can we collectively ease it?"

   
   

7. Know Thyself: As we often explore, our relationship with ourselves is the core step. Understanding our own patterns in relating to power – whether we tend towards 'power over' or 'power under' – is the first step to choosing 'power with'.

By consciously tending to these relational currents, we can move beyond mere hierarchy to create a workplace where power is a shared resource, a vibrant collective flow that truly helps us all #BeBetterTogether.

The Quote

>>> I'm a big fan of Margaret Wheatley's writing.

Here's my understanding of this quote...

If every relationship has a power dynamic, then it's their collective power which creates the culture and performance capability of the team and the organisation.

The Enneagram insights into Power Dynamics

​We each resonate with one of the nine Enneagram types. It helps us understand the motivations which driver our patterns of behaviour.

The approach offers insights into how each type navigates workplace relationships and power dynamics, highlighting unique challenges and providing paths for growth.

Many leaders I work with start their coaching journey with their personalised Enneagram insight report. Check out the Emerge Package.

Here's a look at the challenges and a tip for each Enneagram type.

Enneagram Type 1: The Strict Perfectionist

• Workplace Challenges: Type Ones, driven by a need for correctness and integrity, may struggle in workplace relationships due to their strong inner critic and high standards, which can extend to others. This can lead to frustration when others don't meet their expectations, and they may be perceived as rigid or overly critical. In power dynamics, they might find it difficult to accept imperfections in leadership or to delegate effectively, feeling the need to control details to ensure things are "right." Their self-preservation subtype might lead to worry and a desire for absolute control to anticipate risks and problems.

• Tip: Practice accepting that "good enough" can sometimes be truly good. Focus on offering constructive feedback without needing to control every detail, and learn to trust in the competence of others.

Enneagram Type 2: The Considerate Helper

• Workplace Challenges: Type Twos strive to be liked and appreciated, often deriving their self-worth from being indispensable to others. In the workplace, this can manifest as over-giving, sacrificing their own needs, and subtly manipulating situations to be needed. This can lead to feeling unappreciated, resentful, or being taken advantage of. In power dynamics, they might struggle to assert their own needs directly, preferring to influence through support and service, which can obscure their true desires or lead to burnout if their efforts are not recognized.

• Tip: Prioritize your own needs and boundaries. Offer help genuinely without expecting a specific return, and learn to express your desires and limitations clearly and directly.

Enneagram Type 3: The Competitive Achiever

• Workplace Challenges: Type Threes are focused on success, image, and achievement, often equating their self-worth with their accomplishments. In workplace relationships, they may appear overly competitive, prioritize their image over genuine connection, and struggle with vulnerability. In power dynamics, they excel at marketing ideas and leading, but their drive to appear competent and successful can lead to cutting corners or covering up failures. They might struggle with authenticity if they are too focused on presenting a perfect image.

• Tip: Connect with your authentic self and value your intrinsic worth beyond achievements. Focus on genuine collaboration rather than constant competition, and allow yourself to be seen with imperfections.

Enneagram Type 4: The Intense Creative

• Workplace Challenges: Type Fours seek to be unique and authentic, and they can be deeply sensitive and introspective. In the workplace, they might struggle with feeling misunderstood, envying others' perceived ease, or withdrawing when they feel ordinary or unappreciated. In power dynamics, they may resist conforming to norms and can become emotionally reactive if their creative contributions or unique perspectives are not valued. Their focus on what is missing can lead to dissatisfaction with the status quo.

• Tip: Recognize and appreciate your inherent value and unique contributions. Channel your intense emotions into creative problem-solving and strive for connection rather than isolation.

Enneagram Type 5: The Quiet Specialist

• Workplace Challenges: Type Fives value knowledge, self-sufficiency, and privacy, often retreating to conserve their energy and avoid feeling overwhelmed. In workplace relationships, they might be perceived as detached, uncommunicative, or unwilling to share resources or emotions. In power dynamics, they prefer to observe and understand before acting, which can lead to being overlooked for leadership roles or struggling to assert their authority. They may become possessive of their knowledge and resist dependence on others.

• Tip: Practice engaging more actively with colleagues and sharing your expertise. Recognize that collaboration and interdependence can lead to greater understanding and effectiveness.

Enneagram Type 6: The Loyal Sceptic

• Workplace Challenges: Type Sixes are security-oriented and tend to anticipate problems, often leading to anxiety and doubt. In workplace relationships, they may be prone to suspicion, questioning motives, or seeking reassurance, which can strain trust. In power dynamics, they might challenge authority or become indecisive due to their need for certainty and fear of making a wrong choice. They can also exhibit a "counter-phobic" side, acting tough to mask their anxieties.

• Tip: Cultivate inner trust and learn to distinguish between healthy caution and excessive worry. Build reliable alliances based on mutual respect, and practice making decisions with calculated risks.

Enneagram Type 7: The Enthusiastic Visionary

• Workplace Challenges: Type Sevens are driven by a need for novelty, excitement, and avoiding pain, often leading to a dispersed focus and a tendency to overcommit. In workplace relationships, they might be perceived as scattered, unreliable, or avoiding difficult conversations. In power dynamics, they excel at brainstorming and initiating new projects but may struggle with follow-through or deeply engaging with tasks that become routine or challenging. Their desire to keep options open can lead to a lack of commitment.

• Tip: Focus on completing tasks and commitments before seeking new ventures. Embrace discipline and learn to sit with discomfort, recognizing that deeper satisfaction comes from sustained effort.

Enneagram Type 8: The Active Controller

• Workplace Challenges: Type Eights are assertive, direct, and protective, driven by a need to be strong and avoid vulnerability. In workplace relationships, they may come across as intimidating, confrontational, or domineering, making it difficult for others to challenge them. In power dynamics, they naturally gravitate towards leadership and control, but their desire to be in charge can lead to micromanagement or a tendency to steamroll others. They may struggle to acknowledge their own weaknesses or to trust others with significant responsibilities.

• Tip: Practice tempering your intensity with empathy and active listening. Allow others to contribute and lead, recognizing that true strength also involves vulnerability and collaboration.

Enneagram Type 9: The Adaptive Peacemaker

• Workplace Challenges: Type Nines seek harmony and comfort, often merging with others' agendas to avoid conflict and maintain peace. In workplace relationships, they may struggle to assert their own opinions, make decisions, or address conflict directly, leading to passivity or resentment. In power dynamics, they may become overlooked or have their contributions undervalued because they don't strongly advocate for themselves. Their desire to keep the peace can lead to procrastination or resistance if they feel pushed.

• Tip: Prioritize your own voice and needs, and practice expressing them directly and calmly, even when it feels uncomfortable. Engage in productive conflict as a means to achieve true harmony and growth.

Get in touch to start your Enneagram exploration felicity@bendtheriver.org

The Reflection Question

Work with me

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If you'd like to work with me as your coach or coach supervisior, let's get some time in the diary. We will explore what you're hoping for, get a feel for our relationship and cover options.

Reach out today, if for no other reason that you will be clearer about something by the end of our call! felicity@bendtheriver.org

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Next Flow with Felicity coming out, first Friday of the month, 1st August 2025.

What grabbed your interest?

If this prompts you to do something different or supports a reframe, I'd love to celebrate and support the changes you are making. Keep me in the loop :) I love an update.

felicity@bendtheriver.org

See you next month :)