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#1 Flow with Felicity, March 2024

Updated: May 2

Welcome to the first Flow with Felicity. I kick off with an invitation to reflect on how you're flowing, offer an insight, pass on a tip which has proved useful, and share a quote that has inspired me this month.

This is written for you. I want to know what matters to you and if you needed one thing right now to live your life well, how can I support you?

At the end, you'll find a poll so you can let me know what you've found to be of most value. I'm on a learning curve with this, so I'd love for you to help me improve.

How are you Flowing?

Some of you may have seen that I named January - The Thaw. Well, in February, what felt like a gentle trickle soon started to feel like a Bubbling Brook. You know where the water is bounced about over rounded rocks. It feels full of movement, quite fast and bouncy, yet still quite small in its nature. The water brisk in temperature and yet reflective as it catches the sunshine. As the water dances, it gets splattered and some is lost to the banks.

What sense do I make of this? I've been invigorated by bouncing off the energy & ideas from others; alongside jumping on the learning curves of Canva, landing pages and contact lists. The significant increase in the number of people I've interacted with, both in person socially, online written interactions and online client and peer meet-ups has bought joy and catalysed ideas into action. As someone who restores energy through solitude, I am reminded that I restore inspiration & action through conversations with others.

The water bouncing beyond the river is connected to an awareness of feeling a bit scattered in my excitement & I've seen an occasional depletion in my reserves of grace. There have been moments, I've moved into super-organised mode, where the task completion matters more than the people around me. Oooops! It's my watch out to not get addicted to the bounce off others (eg addicted to feeling useful and seen), & to take quiet 'me- time' to nurture my energy. So I'm taking forward the intention to remember to prioritise & not rush at everything at once. I don't have to do it all right now :)

What about you? If there was a river that captured your month, what would it look like?

Then ask yourself what meaning/sense you make of it? And what intention can you take forward into March?


The Insight

Visual, Auditory, Kinaesthetic

How our language preferences can create or break connection with others.

This month, thanks to my group supervision with the amazing Steve Ridgely, I've had a heightened awareness of my innate preference for seeing life through visual metaphor & visual language.

Just look at the name of my business - Bend the River. And the title of this email, along with my reflection about about how I am flowing. It's quite possible that you've opted to receive this because metaphorical imagery appeals to you. You intuitively get it. You may also share a strongly visual way of understanding the world.

This idea of a visual bias wasn't entirely new to me. I've been familiar with learning styles for eons; using the visual, auditory, kinaesthetic dimensions to influence how presentations & training content are designed in order to be effective with as many people as possible. It was also one of the key preferences I would first like to learn about my boss. How could I share information in a way that would make it easier to convince them? Was it by telling a story (auditory)? Sharing graphics (visual)? Touching/feeling/ eating the product (kinaesthetic)?

I was also aware of it within coaching with my clients. Some clients gravitate naturally towards wanting to 'see' things; to find a metaphor which captures their experience. I tune into those very quickly. And, I've realised, it's quite possible I miss some of the hints which indicate a preference for something non visual.

It's also about the words we are using - not just offering something auditory, visual, kinaesthetic.

When we speak, in effect in different languages, we can miss each other. Lose the chance for a deeper connection. Not find our flow together. And when we align our language, we tend to click and connect faster.

What about you? What's your preference? What about your boss? Your team? Read the sample words and start to notice how you and others are speaking.

A - crystal clear, highlight, vision, transparency, light not dark, way of looking, paint the picture, puzzle pieces, one page, next chapter

B - sound out, tune in, strike a chord, drum home, initial soundings, resonates with; tone down, wavelength, shout about, echo, voice, harmonious future

C - warm up, stride forward, easy pickings, gut tells me; grasped, either, balance, hang on, solid grasp, leap of faith, lay foundations.

Read more background (NLP); and more examples to check your preference and find out about the other two lesser used senses. And/ or watch this video


The Quote

Confidence is embracing vulnerability, not avoiding it.
Simon Sinek


The Tip

Tackle: Creeping Self-Doubt after decision/action

Each month I'll share a favourite tip which has been useful in conversation with others.

The Situation - Self-doubt creeps in after you've done something and not got the response/result you expected. It often leads to the question 'Did I do the right thing?'

Mindset: There is no 'right thing'. In the moment, trust you did what you knew how. Ask yourself 'Did I take action based on my full understanding?' Invariably, the answer to this question is 'yes'. It's just that now you know more.

Tip: Convert self-doubt into learning

  1. What happened? What influenced your action/ decision? What/who did you listen to? If you ignored/ avoided something, what might that be?

  2. Give yourself self-acknowledgement. What do you value about HOW/WHAT/WHEN/WHY you did what you did? Build your own internal radar to reduce reliance on external reference points, eg the feedback of others.

  3. What was the response/result? Get specific about the reality of the response/result. Ask for feedback. Don't drift about in your perception. Be open to learn.

  4. Plan for next time. What do you know now that you didn't know last time? How can you build this in?

What about you? How do you minimise the voice of self-doubt?


I'm Pondering

The whole topic of Confidence. I often hear clients say 'I lack confidence' in/around/with...

I advocate that knowing how to (re)build your own confidence is a key life skill. And I concur with Simon Sinek's quote above. It won't improve if we run away from what is less easy, more challenging and confronting.

In April, I'll be speaking to some 16/17 yr old students and will be using the metaphor (see I just can't help myself!) of cooking a meal to shift mindsets:

I can't do that.... TO
If I know X and /or upskill in Y and /or believe Z, then I could give it a go.

I'll be breaking down blocks to confidence into:

  • Don't know how - find your recipe

  • Don't have skills - where/ how and from who can you learn?

  • Don't have belief - what is this similar to? How can you start small & practice?

Use this when you notice a lack of confidence > change to positive language:

"I don't YET have the skills to feel confident to do X, and my first step to tackle that is Y..."

What about you? What resonates? What's your go-to way of self-supporting your confidence?

What are you Pondering? How can I help you with your thinking?


So, what grabbed your interest?

What's triggered something for you? Resonated with your current experience?

Tell me what you'd like to see more of...

I'd like more of this...

  • 0%How are you Flowing?

  • 0%The 'what about you?' questions

  • 0%The Insight

  • 0%The Tip

You can vote for more than one answer.

Thank you for joining me this month. For all rave testimonials, typos, helpful feedback, drop me an email.

Here are the ways you can connect or work directly with me

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